Here now and now here or nowhere

The title of this blog comes from a play on words that "now here" is also the same letters as "nowhere" just with a space added in the middle. I am always trying to get better at being in the here and now, and I've always been a bit of a joker so that is why I chose this name.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Like Schwarzenegger said in "total recall" Two weeks!!!

I'm essentially leaving my life in two weeks, with no return date. no real plan. only a vision or thought that i had one night that this is what i need to do. it all seemed so easy to jump into, months out. but now as it approaches more rapidly, i see how it isn't.  not just packing and planning but the separation.  how do you say "see you later" when you don't know when or if there will be a later? how do you tell you're very close friends goodbye for now. how do you part with the recently reconnected flame that has her name all over your heart?  sure, i'm a bit emotional tonight and maybe over doing it because of that. But the point is clear to me. I'm about to embark on a very exciting and beautiful journey that will be difficult at times wonderful at others but for right now it is nothing but scary to me.  I can't see the pleasures that await, the personal growth that should come from it all. I can just see the hard times that the next two weeks in SF will be for me, and the weeks to follow as the progression from current life to new life takes form.

I wrote in my journal tonight.  The first time in quite a while.  during yoga school I was very active in it. Everyday I'd write a little something, a piece of myself to let out, to not keep trapped inside. that slowly faded away to every couple of days, weeks and now months.  My daily mala mantra practice faded as well, as did my pranyama and neti practices. they faded away, and "life" came back to fill the spots it had resided in before yoga school.  Sure, the life is different now. I've taken parts of what i've learned from school and incorporated them in, but i feel that the majority of the learnings are going unused and unpracticed. and maybe i'm too lazy or scared to bring them back for myself.

a purge... a purge of emotions and thoughts and i'm dumping them on the interwebs.

I planned to keep a small blog of sorts while on this trip but had no real intention to update it frequently, or really write too much at all.  So don't expect anything and you'll be pleased. there may be "rants" like this one above where i am in some dirty, desolate area and I'm missing my knit web of family and friends, or there may be posts of pictures and happiness.  expect nothing, receive everything.


PS, small side tidbit. I titled this post after writing it all out and when i wrote the words two weeks out i was reminded of my ringtone "two weeks" by grizzly bear (see and hear song here ) the chorus is as follows

Would you always
Maybe sometimes
Make it easy
Take your time

seems apropos for the post, after the fact.

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