i've never been one to deal with death well. i try to make everyone and every thing happy so i'll say a joke which, of course knowing me, is inappropriate and then things are almost even worse.
K called tonight to tell me about her neighbor's passing. He was a good friend to both of us. An incredibly sweet man, who wouldn't harm a fly. Having just decided against going to sushi with K, I assumed the call was about that when I saw her face pop up on my phone. Her voice was the giveaway that the matter was of something else. My first thought was boyfriend issues, but as she soon told me i found out that it was much worse.
I listened to what she said, and didn't react. Shock I guess. I knew it was a tragic thing, but it didn't register at all. "He's dead?" "He is not with us anymore?" questions that still are slowly sinking in. I expect somewhat that when I go over tomorrow to be there to support his boyfriend that he'll be there sitting with us. I mean, why wouldn't he? He always is there. Of course he won't be.
After listening (but still not comprehending) what K said, I had one thought. Does L know? I couldn't be the one to break it to her, but if she did know I knew she'd need/want a call of support. As soon as she picked up the call, I knew L has already been told. While she cried, I still was trying to figure it out in my head. We made plans to go over there tomorrow but for tonight we all said we wanted space.
I hopped into the shower, sweaty from yoga class and smelly from a few days sans shower, and the minute the water touched me, tears came down. What is it with showers and crying? Beds are fine and all, but if I need a good cry it's the shower i head to. I blame hollywood.
The pieces are slowly coming together in my head... it doesn't make anything easier at all but at least the shock is fading away.
I'm sure it's been said before... but death sucks!