Here now and now here or nowhere

The title of this blog comes from a play on words that "now here" is also the same letters as "nowhere" just with a space added in the middle. I am always trying to get better at being in the here and now, and I've always been a bit of a joker so that is why I chose this name.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

transient thoughts

The grass is always greener... or so I wrote out in an email to my cousin today. I planned to leave Hong Kong yesterday but pushed it back a day. I know, this means one less day in mainland China (unless i can get a visa extension) and one less day means one less thing to be able to do. In this case that one thing may mean seeing Tibet as I'm not sure how my time to see Tibet, and even Sichuan for that matter, is going to work out. I found out before lunch yesterday that the train leaves from Shenzhen(closest terminal) to Guilin (my next spot) at 5pm. I had a few hours to finish packing, put the sheets and towels in the wash and leave HK. But when I got home from lunch I just sat on the couch. I didn't want to rush leaving. I wanted to take my time and make sure all was ok. Also, I didn't want to just vanish on my very amazing and generous host, Sean. But as I sat with it more I realized there was a deeper reason why I didn't want to go. I was in some ways scared. I've spent the last week in Hong Kong and Macau. I've never been rushed at all. I've taken time to eat local specialties and see sites, but I also took time to sit on the couch and read or nap. I wasn't go, go, GO!! I was sort of a part time traveler and part time lazy man extraordinaire. But when I get back to mainland this will all change. I can't afford to just sit around and I mean this in both time and monetary aspects.

When you're sitting at home, you want to be traveling. But after 7 months of straight travel, some days I just want to sit at home. Some days I want to be in MY kitchen, in MY bed, or spend time with MY family and good friends. so the grass is always greener, eh?

The past few days I've been having this nervous, heart racing, go go go sort of anxiety feeling. It may be brought on from just being on Hong Kong Island, a city that resembles NYC in the "time is money"/"keep on moving, don't stop" sort of attitude. If I had to describe HK, I'd sume it up as follows. "HK feels like what would happen if you combined NYC chinatown and Times Square and kept putting these blobs of that combination up everywhere." That, to me is HK. Sure, there are the islands and the tropical like mountains and forestes but I'm talking about the main of Hong Kong. So maybe the Island is giving me these feelings but I think more so it's my nervous system and it's telling me something. I'm not sure fully what it is or means but I hope to be able to find out sooner than later. My china travel has all but killed any sort of yoga or meditation practice I had. Mostly because I don't have time for it. Or maybe I should rephrase that to I don't "make" time for it. I'm hoping as I move west and get into areas where I don't have a time limit (I'm pretty sure I'll be out of India before my 10 year visa runs out) that I'll be able to sit more with myself and get back to my yogi ways. But for now, I have to run. I have a 13 hour train ride to catch.

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