Here now and now here or nowhere

The title of this blog comes from a play on words that "now here" is also the same letters as "nowhere" just with a space added in the middle. I am always trying to get better at being in the here and now, and I've always been a bit of a joker so that is why I chose this name.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


It's another cold day here. I wake up on my sleep mat under the cover, a completely different sleeping experience. no memory foam coil spring mattress with duvets and comforters to keep you nestled up in a warm cocoon of soft goodness. no, this is a mat and a cover. and you know what? it works just fine. I wake up on my side, another night dreaming that i was sleeping next to my girlfriend. but she isn't there and I am alone in this big cold room.

how many days has it been? 4, 5 maybe? feels like an eternity. I've traveled for longer than 5 days before and it never seemed like this before. time never moved so slow. i'm sure when it's all done and i'm back home, I'll have wished that i had more time, but now that i have the time i just wish i was back home. or that a part of home, jill, was with me. I guess when i traveled alone in europe for a month i had some friends and family along the way and i didn't have anything waiting for me back home. that was part of this trip and why i could go for so long, originally i had nothing at home. no house, no kids, no pets, no mortgage, no girlfriend. somewhere along the way home i rediscovered my amazing love with Jill. now i have a girlfriend (an amazing one at that), and i am not home with her. instead i am in the near siberian climate of eastern korea and wondering if maybe i should just come home early. I know it sounds silly, 4 days away from your girlfriend is nothing. and it really is nothing. but i think it's more of the adding up of 4 days here, 4 days there, 3 months here… etc… etc… I feel that in time this will get easier for both of us. as we settle into the facts and get familiar with the lack of touch from the other but constant email and phone call contact, things will get easier. we're just in a new uncharted territory at the moment. give it time to breathe, as my yoga guru's would say.

even as i write this, i know it's true. also, the sun starting to come out as i type these words also helps my disposition out. ahhh, sun. my old happy friend. you really do make things seem so much happier and brighter.

still in jetlag mode, i slept for 10 hours last night and could easily sleep more but i want to see what Nandida, my host mom here, would like me to do today. i'm hoping to either chop wood or stay inside, as it's cooooooold outside.

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