Making a choice

I try not to post anything negative online as I feel it’s so easy to do and most of the internet has become places of people just babbling negative and ignorant junk.  While it does happen, I do truly try hard to think and rethink about something before posting and sharing with the world.

Yesterday I was flying to the beautiful Turks and Caicos with a quick layover in Miami. The first flight was forced to land at a different airport, but just a 20min away. After a long delay there, we were bounced back to the first airport, Miami. On arrival I was informed from an app on my phone that my next flight was cancelled. I then had to go wait in a line to see what the story was. That line took 5 hours. No joke, it took 5 hours. 5 hours of standing, no sitting. 5 hours of watching people be “human beings” and try to cut lines, or try complain to staff, or just feel that they were generally more important than everyone else. Human nature! 5 hours to not post a negative comment even though it would have been so. 5 hours to sit and be. (with the occasional email to my family members updating them, though I did try me best to not be too big a whining twat with them). 5 hours to learn from whatever is being shown to us.

When I finally got through the line and was told my flight would be tomorrow, I had to then go to another location and get in another line to make sure my luggage was still here. They told me that my bag would be held till tomorrow and it was already checked for me. Cool! Except… my clothiers are in that. So this translated into, tomorrow you will not have clean clothes. Again, could be much worse. 

I may not be making it sound as horrible as it was, but it wasn’t great. It seemed as if everyone in the airport was unhappy, the thousands of people stranded for the night from weather cancellations as well as the staff doing their best to be helpful but getting mostly attitude.  

On the taxi ride to the hotel (I got the second to last room available at one place after trying numerous others) all I could think about was rolling out my yoga mat to have a safe and tranquil place. I made a choice, but really yoga taught me to make that choice. I could be unhappy at any little thing or I could be happy with everything. I chose the latter, what do you choose?

In Perfect Equanimity... Or Working Towards

I have just returned from my first 10 Day Goenke Vipassana retreat.  I feel as if I just climbed this giant mountain, got through the clouds to reach the top and once arriving here I can see it's just a plateau and I'm actually just at the base hills of the true mountains peak.  A long long way to go, but on the journey none-the-less.  This is something I've been meaning to do for a while but the timing never seemed to work. Of course timing usually doesn't seem to work for most things unless we really WANT things to happen.

A little info here for those unfamiliar. There are retreat centers all around the world that hold 10 day (and longer) retreats for people to learn Vipassana meditation. Vipassana translates to "Insight" or looking in on ones self. It is a system of internal viewing and cleansing developed as part of a bigger system by Siddharta Gotama, who later became known as "Buddha."  But these courses are by no means Buddhist or religious, anyone of any religious system can do them and incorporate them into their life and into whatever their religious lifestyle is if they choose.  The courses have many talks on DVD and CD/MP3's from a man named Goenke, a former Indian Burmese business man who found this ancient technique in his birth land of Burma, and was able to cure his medically incurable disease in his body.  Yes, it may sound new age or mystical but it has worked for thousands of thousands of people so maybe there is something there. (Note, this is not to say that if you have a disease, this will cure you. Just a small note of how he came to find this system)

The retreats are designed to help you live as a renunciate for the time of the course, as it is believed without these responsibilities weighing you down, it can help in the process.  So this means the cost is ZERO, it is funded on donations from former students who have found and love the process as it works for them.  The food is cooked by local people and former students who come to help and offerer their services to the new students as a repayment, a donation of their time, energy and care.  It's vegetarian and delicious (note: food changes per location and what is grown and eaten in those areas.)  The quarters are sparse and simple built on donations from others; why do you need much when your days consist of sitting, learning and meditating?  A bed, mosquito net, toilet, shower. Simple and perfect.

During the process I felt that I wasn't a "good" student. What is a good student though? It's perception based and one usually has harsher views of themselves than others have of them. (How many times has someone told you how great a job you did, and you think to yourself.."Me? Really? I was ok but not great.")  I had a hard time understanding the concepts at the time, and I would ask my assistant teacher there questions on what I was supposed to be doing because I didn't feel the things spoken about.  Because I didn't feel them, I was hard on myself. "I'm not doing it right. I'm not good at this. This doesn't work for me, I should do something else." How hard and judging we are on ourselves, and how quick to abandon ship.  I also wasn't silent the whole time.  There was another student who had told us all how this was not his first time doing one of these courses, but we found out on the last day that actually it was his first time doing this technique. On the second day he passed me a note. I didn't want to read it at first, but then I thought, "Oh, he is a return student so if he is doing this, it must be ok."  There was also a monk there who would sometimes speak a little with me, and if a monk at a meditation training is talking, then it must be ok.   Of course, I was the one talking and taking part of this, so I don't blame others but myself for not fully following the rules, but it aided in me not being a great student. I know for next time how to do things better. And that's fine. Many things, for me, in life have to be done over and over again till I really understand them.  I'm actually usually not the best student the first time, but second and third I'm much better.  I seem to learn more from my mistakes than from the traditional teachings.

By the end, almost all of my confusions seemed cleared up. But again, still far to go on this process. People who go on these courses, and make it all the way through (some will last a few days and then quit, as it's a lot of time and energy to commit too.) will usually do two things after. The first is spread the word about it. When you find something that makes you happy, it's human nature to want everyone to do it.  How many of you started yoga, running, a new healthy food, whatever... that seemed to improve your life tenfold and immediately went out and told everyone about it.  We want to share our happiness with people (we also want to share our miseries, but that is another story).  So yes, this is just one of my sharing's with people about the course and why they should do it.  The second thing students do after completing it, is start to plan another one. Maybe a year later, maybe longer.. but there is the urge to go back.  Part of it is to go deeper, but part is also because during the 10 days, the lifestyle is set up for you.  It's easier to meditate deeper when you are removed from everything. When you have no phone, internet, work, people talking with you... etc.  When you have bells reminding you of what time it is and what you have to do at that time and where.  When you have a person leading you through these meditation sittings.  This is all easier and maybe a "better" place to go and be able to get deeper into your meditation.  So one who has completed these courses, who has seen the immediate improvement in their mental condition, they will want to go back and take part in another... and another.  They will maybe also want to go back and be a helper, to give back to countless others like the countless others who also have given back to them. For me, I can't wait to assist, as karma yoga has always been my area that I live in. Giving to others is something I truly feel at home in.

Buddhist teachings speak of "the middle way." Goenke would speak a lot about keeping a perfect equanimous mind, which I chose to understand as similar to the "middle way" that Buddha spoke of. Not too hot or too cold. Be happy, but not too happy as too happy leads to an eventual peak, at which sadness follows after. Instead, just be happy. Be equanimously happy.  It sounds obvious and easy, but I'd like to see you try this. There is also much talk about impermanence, which when understood with equanimity seems to go hand in hand. This may seem pessimistic, but actually it's the opposite.  When you realize truly that the sadness you are experiencing at that moment will change.. how can you be sad still? One holds on to sadness because they feel horrible, things will never get better... but as soon as you see they will, then you already start to change... eventually you are happy again. But maybe you become too happy, great! Only then you fall down again and are in the sad hole.  Many people, myself included, live on these emotional waves, up then down, then up, then down.  It may not be a huge rollercoaster like some people we know experience, but we seem to all have ups and downs.  Once you truly understand the idea of imperanace and keeping that middle mind to it, then you start to come out of the deeper and longer low waves. the waves become more central and even-keel.  and what does this mean exactly, well, you become more happier.  Ok, it may sound too simple or far fetched or maybe even crazy.  Fine, think that. I'm just a beginner on this and maybe I don't have it all figured out. Scratch that, I definitely don't... but I can tell you that after these 10days I'm a lot more confident in it all than I was when I began.  I'm still the same me as I was before... only am I?  I'm 13 days older now, that's a 13day older me than I was before I started. Tomorrow I'll be again different. The same mostly, but different. Nothing is permanent, not even ourselves. When things change on a minimal scale, we don't see it... but this doesn't mean they don't change. I found this concept truly helpful in life.  I remember coming back to my home town for the first time after living away for a while. "This is not my town! How it has changed. How horrible it now is.  No, when I was here, it was wonderful, perfect, but now... no way."  Of course I see now, the town changed, yes.. but I also changed. Everything changed. It wasn't horrible. It was as it was. But I wasn't keeping an even mind, I kept a clinging and attachment to the past, but the past was just that. Why worry and relive it, it's gone. And the future will just be the future, unknown and in the future, so why worry about what will be.. it's not here.  Now is here. Here is now. Living in the present is much harder to do, but seems to give better results.  This doesn't mean never think about the past or the future. We must have somewhat of a plan for the future, though not an attachment to the plan.  And we must look back on the the past to learn from mistakes, but not to live in the past as so many of us do.  Again, sorry if this seems to basic or new age, it's just how I see it right now and here (which of course is impermanent and may change at another point.)

So what now?  That's a good question. I've been given some tools and systems to start to make a change in myself. To fix the unhappy areas and increase the happy ones. To improve myself and the world around me.  But it's a process and by no means happens at the snap of a finger. These things take time. Without a start nothing can move, so I now begin this journey and hope it adds to increased value in my world and yours.

In metta (the cultivation of loving-kindness) to all

Yoga Burp, Release

I recently took a few day vacation from the Tea Fields of Sri Lanka to go down to the south. I had a friend who was vacationing in Mirissa on the southern coast and I wanted to visit her as well as go surfing. While there I realized that in the last few weeks I had put a little extra baggage on me and should probably work on that.  My daily walks and yoga sessions had been getting a little shorter in duration, if existent at all.  So now that I'm back I've started to be more present with this matter.  Yesterday I did a deeper stomach workout in the middle and end of my yoga practice.  Afterwards something felt off in me.   There was a sense of nausea through out the day, something I don't usually have.  In the evening when doing another yoga session, I started to burp. I couldn't stop it. Burps were coming and kept on coming. Luckily, just this gaseous feeling and no nasty intestinal flavors coming alongside with.  All of a sudden this big heavy burp came from somewhere deep inside me.  It was like nothing I've ever felt in a burp before. It brought tears to my eyes. Then more tears and I realized I was mildly crying.  I also realized I felt immediately lighter and more airy.  This burp was something stored inside of me from who-knows-when.  And now it was gone.  It wasn't just a burp, it was a storage of emotions and feelings trapped on a cellular level somewhere in stomach region. Through the abdominal workout I was able to lodge it's release from the structure where it was held and it slowly made it's way north to find it's way out.

Yoga can be transformational in many ways. When we first start to practice, we feel a greater sense of self worth and happiness. We feel healthier and more confident. And we only grow from there.  As we progress along the way, we start to learn more about our bodies from a subtle intuitive way. We have emotional breakthroughs and breakdowns in our yoga practice.  I've seen many a person in a long and deep pigeon pose hold brought to tears as the memories that one may store in their hip and sacroiliac regions start to release from their cellular frame and escape the imprisonment of the body. For me, it was a simple stomach routine which was all that was needed to start the catalyst in motion to help release whatever stored memories were holding me down and get me burping for joy!

A New Adventure Begins...

Writing from BKK Airport.  In an hour I'll fly to Sri Lanka to start a new gig with yoga and massage.  A new country, a new adventure.

Let's make it a great one.

Love and Light!

Goodbyes into Hellos

Goodbyes are never easy. I've said it numerous times before and will say it numerous times again.  I've spent the last week in Singapore staying with a wonderful family. Daily yoga classes, playing basketball with a very talented and sharp 11 year old, and running around after a very naughty but incredibly adorable 2 year old. It's been a week of family time, which is something I don't get much on the road and appreciate when I can. My family is very close and was as well when growing up. To stay with good friends from such a big and loving family is truly nice. There will be moments of drama and sadness, but mostly happiness and love. It has been so nice to be included in that all. And now, I must head off, as we can't always stay in one place forever, especially when it isn't "our" home.  And so I have to say a sad and hard goodbye. Or a see you next time.  But what will help to ease that sadness... is...

that I'll be going to Cambodia for a few days to visit one of my dearest friends whom I became close with in Bhutan.  So I will leave one beautiful community and go to another. A goodbye to a HELLO!

Constant travel can wear on the soul (and body). When I can travel from loved ones to loved ones, it does help make living this life a lot easier (and happier)

With sadness I will leave Singapore, and happiness arrive to Phnom Penh.

Love to you all.
namaste

Get out from behind the camera...

.... and get into the scene!

"Get out from behind the camera, and get into the scene!"

This is a statement to all. Stop living behind your camera's, behind your phones, behind your fears.  Drop them, put them aside. Go out there and live this one life (or more for the Buddhists reading this) that we've been given.  I keep seeing too many of my "friends" online constantly barraging the web with self photos and photos of their every move.  When you take a photo of something you are not part of that something. Once you step into instagram (or whatever) mode you now are outside the scene. Disconnected from whatever was happening.  And when you share every little detail, does it maybe seem like maybe a scream for help. "I'm so insecure about my constant every move that I am BEGGING for your approval. Like this photo, give me more followers, feed my Ego."

Now this isn't to say that a photo or social share of whatever sort from time to time, even multiple times a day are bad.  (Heck, what is bad anyways.. but that's a post for another day.)  No, rather just a wake up call to start to see why we do what we do as well as what we are actually doing.  This can also lead into a deeper and deeper rabbit hole of self inquiry.

But please, don't "like" this post.   You can share it with people if you feel, but I'd rather not feed my own ego here and request you honor that. First off, I am guilty of much of what I write about. Secondly, I write this all for your enjoyment. I get the enjoyment from sharing my adventures with you all, that is my "like" of it.

Now get off from in front of this screen, close the blog, and go out and explore. Go do something new, exciting, familiar, comforting, nurturing.  But sign off and go do it. Do it now!! Because the next moment may be too late.  (and if you must, feel free to take a photo of yourself doing it.)

High on Life / I'm clean

I arrived to my yoga class a little bit early this morning. I wasn't sure where it was exactly and I feel that it's always better to be early than late, especially when you are the teacher.  While waiting for the morning shift person to come and open up, I was hanging outside the space minding my own.  Two people came up and sat on the steps next door to the yoga space. They started talking to me, and so I responded back. Nothing big, small talk. The guy got up and came closer to me. Oh, maybe I should tell you all this. The yoga space is in the Tenderloin of SF. The seediest, dirtiest, drug filled portion of SF. So the guy got up and asked to bump my fist. I told him I'd rather a handshake than fist bump. I don't love the fist bump and feel a handshake is more meaningful. He let me know he was offering the bump for hygienics, you see he was homeless and not so cleanly. It didn't bother me, he was still a person and if he was dirty then I'd wash my hands later. I'm clearly no germ freak(read some of my posts in China and you'll see). When he sat back down, he lit something up. I wasn't sure if he was smoking an old cigarette, a joint, or something else.  So I asked, "What is that? pot or rock?"  It was rock, they were smoking crack right in the open, and next to the yoga space. OH NO!!!  We'll shit, these things happen. Especially in the Tenderloin. They talked to me some more and I saw this as a great place to practice non-judgement. For those who know me, I can be a little judgmental. It's something I've been working on for a while, on how to soften and not judge. But I'm an East Coast Jew, it's in my blood.  Anyways, back to the story. I decided to have compassion for them and not judge. When he offered me some, I told him that "I'm clean. But thanks." I don't think what he does or how he lives is the right way. Selling drugs is what he seems to have to do right now, his dharma. Instead of ignoring him or acting rude, I gave him my time and I spoke from a place of heart. OK, there was a part of me that thought I may get mugged, but I tried to suppress these feelings with those of knowing that all will be ok. Because, it really always is all OK. Isn't it?  He is high in crack, I'm high on life. High from yoga. What's the difference? OK, maybe there is a huge difference, but we all have our roles to play, our samskaras to break. After a few hits from his pipe, he started to get paranoid from not seeing any police and thought they may be coming so they got up to leave. He offered to sell me some powder, again, and again I politefully declined stating, "I'm clean, but thanks."  He told me his name was Carl, but around here they call him Slim.  Then they took off to somewhere else. Shortly after, the lady who was to open the studio arrived and I went inside to prepare for class.  Two types of highs, one natural one synthetic. But people none the same. 

From Chi-town with love

A lot has happened since Gasa.  I went back to Thailand for studies. Spent some time in Pai with friends. (it was my first time there and I loved it. Would recommend it for everybody and anybody) Came home for a month with my parents. Went to NYC to see friends. A week in DC with my brother's family. And now this posting finds me in Chicago for an Acroyoga immersion.  Life has been moving fast and slow.  I will head to SF in a few days to see friends and relax for a week and then back to Boston.  From there, I don't know what next will come. I had a few work options and they fell through. The future is looking incredibly less and less known and that is just what it has to be for now. I dive into the unknown with sincere belief that the universe knows what is best for me and will show me the route.

LOVE AND LIGHT!

In transit...

Yep, in transit again.  I know this past season I didn't post the most about Bhutan or travels. I do have a few stories queued up to post and hope to do it soon. I didn't have the best internet in Bhutan and was also pretty busy with work and life, but I'll be in Thailand for a few weeks and expecting some downtime to update some things.  Days of travel are always a bit confusing. While I'm sad to leave friends and loved ones in Bhutan, I'm very happy to be in Chiang Mai. It's a city I know well with super fast internet and more importantly it has good and healthy food.  Fresh fruit.. here I come.

New posts up soon too.

All the best to all you out there.

Love and Light

Karma... is repeating itself

Written on December 3rd

Last time when I was nearing my exit from Bhutan I noticed that my credit card was near expiring. I diligently worked to get a replacement card to me here before I left, and had numerous hurdles to jump though. Turns out getting anything to Bhutan is always a hassle. I was able to eventually just mail it to my company's BKK work office and pick it up when I landed from from someone in that office. 

Well… last night I was extremely tired when moving from lodge to lodge late at night and at some point my waller fell out. With that was 1 credit card, 1 debit card, my work ID and about $30usd in cash.  The money I view as a donation made to whomever finds it. $30 may not mean so much to an American but to your typical rice farmer here in Bhutan it means a lot more. So I'm happy to make someone's day a lot nicer.  I remember when I was a child and I'd find $5 on the ground, it was such a huge thing (heck I still get excited about finding quarters!) so I'm happy to return the favour to the world. But having to deal with getting a credit and debit card mailed here is such a pain in the butt. I'm hoping this time it's less of a hassle, as I only have about 12 days left and could really use my cards once I get to Thailand after this.

Here's hoping it all works out!

Update:  After numerous long phone calls with bank representatives I have finally worked something out to possibly have a card sent here or maybe just waiting for me at the airport. But in better karma news, the day after I lost my wallet I was given a very generous tip by some guests I did work with.  Money comes and money goes and in the end it always all works out. Svaha!!/स्वाहा (sanskrit for "so be it")

Au Revoir, again

To readers of this blog you may know me as different things. Traveler, food lover, explorer,  photo journalist (of a sort.)  But I'm also a yogi.   I'll be leaving the US on August  31st to spend three weeks in Ubud, Bali, Indonesia to go deeper into my yoga studies and practice.  After that I'll be heading back to Bhutan for 3 months to teach yoga. I'm also hoping to be able to practice more of the meditation knowledge that I learned in Burma in the rich clean and untapped nature of the ancient kingdom.

I will do my best to update this blog with stories, photos, stream of conscious ramblings, and decent content aimed to add a smile to your days.

Thank you to all who made the first 2.5 years on the road so memorable and happy. Thanks for all those who welcomed me back to the US with open arms, open couches/beds, full plates and giant hugs. Your love and kindness has filled me up with more than you can know. Every day I am amazed at how lucky I am to have such good people in my life. I genuinely feel like the luckiest man in the world.  I am excited and nervous to get back on the road and though I plan to come back soon and ideally "root" down here in the US I can't say so or when for one can never really know what future has lying ahead for them.

Many blessings, thanks and so much love from all of me (and more) to all of you (and more)

namaste
peace peace peace

ADR

Under African Skies and US Homes

"This is the story of how we begin to remember
This is the powerful pulsing of love in the vein
After the dream of falling and calling your name out
These are the roots of rhythm
And the roots of rhythm remain"


I listened to "Graceland" by Paul Simon for much of my cross country trip. 25 years after its inception and it still sounds so poignant and beautiful. "Under African Skies" in particular was really ringing in my head. Besides a funky African bass line and cool upbeat guitar rhythms it also has lyrics that stick in your mind. Ever the poet, Simon has a way of capturing feelings, thoughts and moments in lyrics and song. As I drove and discovered a new (to me) America I truly felt a connection to my roots and of beginning to remember what I may never have even known.


I'm on a bus to NYC today and tomorrow will fly to Bali to start a training course. I stopped by my moms work to say goodbye and made sure to give her a hug. The last one for a while. Being a "real man", I tried to suppress my sadness and emotions but it was an disheartening moment . I will be stepping from the comfort of my roots where the flow of love surrounds me into a void of unknown. While I know that I'll be safe and fine, it is still hard to say goodbye to your parents. Harder more when you've just come back from 2.5 years of not seeing them and don't know how long it will be this time. But I have no fear or worries about it. I look forward to the next hug but move onwards into the null sea of unknown, only knowing that my roots remain.

Americana - Road Trippin'

I recently spent 8 days in a car driving across the country. I was fortunate enough to find a lovely couple on craigslist who needed a car driven from my part of the Boston area to San Francisco, where I was planning to visit.  Some people were surprised to hear that I didn't charge for the services offered but for me it seemed like a fair win/win situation. I wanted to see the country, visiting friends along the way and drive through areas I've never been to. They needed a car from here to there. Why not just help each other out, make the world a better place? Right?  So they paid for the gas and I drove across my beautiful country.  

Below are some pictures from the road. It was touch to take photos or videos as I was driving almost all the time.  You'll notice a wide variety of scenery as America is very large diverse.  

I was fortunate to spend time with friends from college, burning man, my travels, family of family, my time living in SF, as well as meeting new friends.  I wish I had more time to see everyone and to eat ever more unhealthy.. but I'm fortunate for what I did get. And I got a lot.  

My time on the road as well as the 5 days in San Fran reminded me of how amazing my friends are. Of how loving and caring they are. And of how lucky I am to have them in my life.  I'm beyond fortunate and grateful for all them, and all of you (the readers). 

Tomorrow I will take a bus to NYC and then the day after I fly to Bali to start another journey. It hasn't fully sunken in and it probably won't till I'm in the air (again).  Alas, whenever it does.. I am ready for whatever it shall bring.

Hope you enjoy the photos.

Happiness - A Poem by Anfernee Chansamooth and a diatribe on my week in SF

I feel happy when I am surrounded by and connected to Mother Earth,
When radiant sun embraces me and warms me up from within,
When the sea breeze caresses my cheek and the sound of the ocean carries me with her into the deep blue.
I feel happy when the birds cry “hello” up from their traffic-free sky,
When my feet touches soft, tickling grass beneath me,
When the raindrops fall from the heavens and I taste water drops – the gift of life – on my tongue which reminds me that I am alive.
I feel happy when the trees bless me with shade to keep me cool on a hot Summer’s day,
When I share an embrace with another connected soul, for we are all brothers and sisters and manifestations of love,
When a child giggles and stumbles into the arms of their awaiting parent,
When bubbles surround me and pop on my face – disappearing as quickly as it had appeared.
I feel happy when I share a connection, physical, spiritual and emotional,  with that special someone who loves me for me and all that I bring to this reality,
When the words “you may kiss the bride” are uttered at the chapel and a promise of eternal love is exchanged,
When my skin touches the soft sheets to mark my arrival home.
This is when I feel happy.

- Anfernee Chansamooth (2012)



I received the above poem in an email from my friend Anf while I was having dinner with some dear friends in SF. I was visiting my old stomping grounds and catching up with loved ones still in the area. Sitting next to a former lover and across from my yoga teacher training partner, two people who know me very well and always offer up bounds of love to me and my life choices, I felt the words of his poem radiate inside of me. It wasn't just here too, I felt as if the moment I crossed over the Bay Bridge and came back to San Francisco that the city welcomed me with open arms. I spent 5 days immersed in conversations, meals, walks, yoga, and more with people who I love and truly love me. People who I have not seen in over 2.5 years but with all of them it felt like it had been 2.5 days. No time had passed. Sure we'd gotten older, new restaurants opened and old ones closed. Lots had happened, TONS!! but really nothing had happened. We all shared a connection of some sort with each other and time couldn't break that, nor would we want it to. I've started to learn in the last few years what it means to be a good person, and a huge huge HUGE part of this is the people you surround yourself with. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by amazing, intelligent, caring, loving, wonderful people. I know some of it is what I offer up to them and the world, but a huge part is luck.. and I'll take it without any complaints.


I didn't get to see close to everyone I may have hoped to see but thus is life. I am so glad that I got to spend time with every single person that I was fortunate enough to bask in their lights. Leaving places is never easy, though it's something I've gotten very good at in my travels. I don't view San Francisco as a place I'm leaving, more of a location that I'm taking a hiatus from living in. But I'm pretty sure I'll be back (though always open to the possibility that the universe has another plan for me)


Thank you to all of you who helped make the last week in the bay area so comfortable, and happy for me. It may have been cold weather wise, but I was always basking in the warmth from your love.

Leaving Bhutan... sadly

well... time flies...

Today is my last full day in Bhutan. I was on contract for a little less than 2.5 months and tomorrow I will fly back to Thailand. It seems like I just got here.  I've gotten used to moving places and then leaving for the next spot, but it never really gets easier. You make new friends and then you separate.  The power of the internet makes it so that touch is easier to keep, but it doesn't mean this is the same as a physical touch.  I made some very nice friends here and hope that I will be able to come back at another time. Bhutan is not an easy place to visit, but as long as I keep a good feeling and positive thinking then maybe I will be able to come back.

Today will be filled with last minute packing, shipping, getting all my Bhutan photos up for this blog and some goodbyes.

I remember when I left Laos a few months back. I wasn't sad up until the plane ride out. I cried a bit and said goodbye in my own way. These feelings never hit me on time. It never occurs to me that I will be going and probably not coming back or seeing these faces again. I feel incredibly selfish at times as I am the one leaving and going on to new and exciting places while the others are still in the same place where a hole as been left by me. It's always easier to be the one leaving then the one staying behind.

So of course I am a bit sentimental today. I have every right to be, don't I?

I've meant for some time to write about how hard it is to have guests leave. I do a lot of work with guests where I will travel with them and teach them yoga along their journey. I become a part of their experience and they become a part of my daily life.  When you spend a week straight with someone, learning all about them and also teaching them in a somewhat intimate setting, it can be very tough to see them off. In remote situations, friendship can form very quickly out of necessity. I remember the friends I made in Mongolia and how quick we became close because you just have to. Be friends or be alone, it's human nature to an extent. So when you make these new friends and they leave to go home, well,  it's hard on the soul. At least for me.  And tomorrow, I am the one who will be leaving.  I will be ok. My friends will be ok. It's all apart of life. But as my parents always said to me as a child... "No one said life was easy."  And this is true, but at least we can do our best to make it easier and more fun. And that is one of the mottoes of my life.

Now I'm off to try to mail a huge box of gifts and some clothes home....

...enlightenment... or something like it.

While talking to my brother today about how difficult adjusting back to life in the US will be, he commented on me being spiritually enlightened. I'm not, and far from. While wishing my friend and yoga training partner Steph a happy birthday today she joked about this being the year of spiritual enlightenment.

So maybe with these both in the back of my mind I was thinking many things along my hike today. I took a "scenic route" and ended up lost in rice paddies. Visited a beautiful stupa and mingled with cows grazing. Indeed lots of time to think and a beautiful place for it. And like out of some Indian epic story, one of the secrets of enlightenment came to me. Are you ready for it?

Enlightenment, is.

That's it. No more, no less. Well, lots more but not really. Enlightenment, is. And I'm far from "it" but maybe this little "blue sky "piece of the puzzle is more important than the corner piece that so obviously connects the easy to find big nubbed pieces. Or maybe I'm just a little cukkoo.

Those were some thoughts I had while walking from the lodge to the Khamsum Yulley Namgyal Chorten. It was one of the most beautiful and inspiring chortens I had ever been to (and I've been to a lot).  On the way to the chorten I got lost in some rice paddies and found myself trespassing in someone's yard, and was nearly forced to hop a barbed wire fence before I noticed a small bamboo gate that I could move a piece aside to crawl through. Eventually I made it to the top and found myself just sitting, thinking and breathing while I overlooked the beautiful valley. The way down and back was much easier and I found I was contemplating so much, but also not really thinking at all. Sort of tired and ready to go back to take a nap. Punakha is a very beautiful place.

Oh and the guy with my sunglasses.. a farmer who walked by and really wanted to wear my glasses so I let him and then snapped a photo. 

The Fauna comes to me

I was practicing yoga alone the other day in the yoga room at the Paro lodge when I heard a commotion outside. I looked out the window and saw an ox and cow grazing on the land behind the spa. I knew that they shouldn't have been there by the hotel standards but I didn't want to call security to disturb them. No guests were around and they looked so peaceful. So I just watched them eat and listened to them "moooo" for a while. Eventually they moved past the spa area and into very common areas so I was forced to call the management to have them sent on their way. It may sound so simple and maybe silly, but watching wild animals live is always so inspiring to me. I turn into a little kid and "ooh" and "ahh" at every cow, horse, chicken, mule... etc that I see along the way.  In the US we are disconnected completely from the natural wildlife, save for maybe pigeons. 

Later that day when I was teaching the staff class for yoga, I kept gushing about these cows. The staff, used to having wildlife walk into their villages and maybe even their houses, thought I was nuts. I kept going on and on about this beautiful black ox with the most gorgeous horns and how it was perfect with my yoga. Then out of nowhere these three pretty birds all lined up on a branch outside the window. One of the staff noticed it and pointed them out. they were all next to each other at first and the staff commented on how you never see three sitting directly wing to wing with each other on one branch. Again I was having this amazing connection with how wonderful nature is. Unfortunately I only had my old iphone which is slow and doesn't have the best camera, so the picture is a little blurry and also I couldn't snap it in time with the birds next to each other.

Part of yoga is about connecting with ourselves and our natural surroundings. We're one with ourselves, with nature, with the universe.  To be able to practice yoga in surroundings that are so connected with nature is truly a blessing. We make these safe and welcomed studios in big cities to help us feel more connected with ourselves and less connected with the busyness and disconnectedness of the cities and that is wonderful and I'm so grateful for all the studios that I've been fortunate enough to practice in.  But to look outside and see ox grazing, birds chirping, horses plowing fields, cows pooping and to be so close to it, to nature... well it brings me back to a place I've never been but where I always belong (if that makes sense).  

But now I find myself writing on my computer on a beautiful sunny day in the beautiful valley of Punakha with birds chirping all around. And I can't help but think, "What the fuck am i doing staring into this machine... I should go for a nature walk or hike." So off I go to explore the beautifulness that is this region of Bhutan. To explore the beautifulness that is the life I live.

One last beautiful sunset in Luang Prabang

ok so in fairness I took this photo about a week ago, but with the slash and burn tactics in the jungles around town the sky is getting worse and worse that I'll have to settle for this as my last beautiful sunset over the Mekong.  What I planned to be 1 month in Laos quickly escalated into more… and now 11 months later I'm packing up and heading to Bhutan.  I've had an amazing time and and found myself in situations I didn't plan for. Making great friends, having a few doggie nephews who i love deeply, working teaching yoga for a top hotel and having their guests LOVE IT! (not to mention traveling to other locations with the company), finding a very cute and caring girlfriend, and, well… being here for so damn long.  But now as my time approaches I must leave it all behind… at least for now.

Today I couldn't find my japa mala (the string of 108 beads i wear around my wrist for prayers of a sort). I was looking hard for it and then resigned to the fact that it may be gone and time for me to move on. How fitting of a situation to find myself in when I am forced to deal with non attachment of my life here. My life, like my mala, is what it is. nothing more nor less.  when it's time to go, it's time and that is it.  And so I will work on my non-attachment and move forward.  though saying goodbye to people (and dogs) and a life you've lived for nearly a year is much harder than saying goodbye to a semi-sacred item of yours.

...and what of my mala disappearance. turns out my friend's sister some how got the mala placed into her purse before she left for Vientiane today. She said she'd mail it back to me but I think it more fitting for her to take it and use it and for me to move on and find a new mala. Further cementing this notion is that she just bought a Vietnamese buddha (which is very different than a Thai or Lao one) and my mala was bought in Hoi An, Vietnam last year. They belong together, and I belong wherever my new direction will take me.

PoTD - Missing Leon

What I may miss most about Laos is my friend Leon. I've written about him numerous times before and he's my go to boy for things. Well, go to dog. If I'm down he's there to support me. If I'm happy, I get even happier when he jumps up on me.  He'll see me coming and take off sprinting to hop on me, hug my leg (read hug, not hump). He's an amazing dog and we've spent so much time together.  Taking him on walks around town was a favorite past time of mine here.

I don't know if I'll come back or not. But if I do, I sure hope Leon remembers me. I can see myself coming back in 5 or 7 years and I see Leon. He pauses for a second, and then remembers me and comes sprinting after me for a hug.  It's a nice dream

A little side note.  the pup here was Honey, Ai Lit's (the neighbors) dog.  Leon loved being big brother to her and played so nicely. Sadly Honey died from a stomach bug related illness. We all really liked her and I was very sad for Leon and Lit.

a mixed range of emotions... and fast

I know I've been bad at posting recently. I've sort of settled into daily life in Laos and found that what others might find exciting just normal to me. Who wants to write or read about normal, right?  Well, things are going to chance soon.... real soon. Why?

Because I'm moving.... to....


(wait for it)





Bhutan!!!





(if you are unfamiliar with this small Kingdom, please do yourself a favor and google it)

In a short notice, last minute sort of thing the hotel with which I work needed a yoga teacher for their Bhutan branch.

YES!!!!!

The only issue is it gives me 10 days (6 now) to get everything ready, packed, mailed, goodbye'd and all the fun stuff that comes with moving.  It's not too short of a time but it ain't too long either.

So now we find our hero with a lot to do and not a lot of time. He also has a ton of emotions, both happy and sad.. I've been here for the last 10.5 months and found somewhat of a life here to which I now have to say goodbye to. Luckily my traveling somewhat nomadic lifestyle has made this easier., but it never is fully easy.

I am so happy to be going to Bhutan and for 2 months. Most people go for 2 days, maybe a week if lucky (or really just rich) and I'll have time there. Ecstatic!! But sad to leave as well. I actually find myself in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in which makes things tougher as well. A friend of mine commented that maybe me being in a healthy relationship is more rare than the chance to go to Bhutan. So did I make the wrong choice?  Of course not, this is a once and a lifetime opportunity and life goes on. and life is good... real good.

But I've got a shitload to do in the next 6 days, and being awake at 5:30am to write blog posts isn't the best use of my time. but my mind is whizzing with what I need to do and so sleep is tough and meditation even harder. Shutting my million mile/sec brain down is going to be tough. So let's hope I get everything done and still feel rested. Did I mention I'm getting more work these days too??? Af all the times you want less work this is it.  Though the extra money helps pad the moving and last minute gift expenses so it really is all cyclical and works for a reason.

So I'm off to go out and do instead of sleep. Another busy day (after 2 months of no busyness what-so-ever). A busy day of work and elephant rides and work. Shit, it's tough but somehow I make it work.